2023 REFLECTIONS
Oh this heart. Where do I begin the last blog of 2023…
First, thank you so incredibly much for joining me on this healing project. I have reworked what The Heart of Albany is now twice. 2023 I overcame analysis paralysis when the current status smacked me in the face and became clear. Funny how that happens. Whether you read out of curiosity, or you read because they annoyingly pull you in. Whether you walked a similar path or walking now, and simply feel seen. Or perhaps you are the “stuck”one now or worse, think doing a “new thing” is impossible... You are here. Thank you for being here even if you don’t engage on the posts or personally. My heart prays for your growth, an abundance of love and the opportunity to release what you don’t need and allow in what brings you peace and joy.
YOU MATTER
To those of you who contacted me throughout the year privately and/or we met for coffee or lunch after reading, you have touched my heart in ways I don’t know how to express. I can only pray that we share more time together, that we continue to grow. Everyone is going through something, so if you have any doubt about how you ended up here or if you are supposed to be… know that you landed in the right place. You also landed straight in my heart. Who knows where this project is going. I can’t help but continue to share what is on my heart as my gifts lay dormant for far too long. I pray before I write and I pray before I publish. “Lord direct my steps and give me the words to help others as You guide and help me.” He hasn’t steered me wrong yet.
WHAT I KNOW
Healing is really, um … messy. Growth is really, um… hard. Especially during a year of a lot of loss. In moments there could be a fluctuation and wide range of emotions from sadness, anger to solace to laughing to awe or “that was dumb why did I do that?” kind of moments. I never lost faith or hope though. Considering it all was incredibly painful, I wouldn’t change any part of it. It had unfolded utterly beautifully. I know that every season is meant to be explored, embraced, endured and enjoyed. Being able to receive the rewards is also growth. Learning joy in the pain is indescribable. Accepting feedback, though hard to hear, is absolutely necessary and a true gift born of love. Self-awareness helps foster better habits and creates positive behaviors. Confidence isn’t from ego, it’s through humility. People gravitate to humility. They want to be a part of it. To all of those who fill my cup and equally uphold a standard in our relationship: you teach me how to love and to receive love and I thank you. I have chills and my eyes water every time I think of how much I accomplished this year, from the small things to the big things and there was never a moment I was truly ever alone. The inside work shows up on the outside and validated by others, and not always with words. I found myself loving more than I thought possible. Taking time to be in the quiet, truly alone with my thoughts and with God. I allowed myself to grieve appropriately when necessary and process emotions. I chose to review the circumstances of my life and own my part in it and how to forgive. I am caught up in mixed emotions knowing how much pain and loss I endured in a short amount of time and how much I put myself out there this year. I am in awe of how many warm hearts have come into my world. I shed some strongholds, I shed things I thought were in my favor that really weren’t. Oh man, I love the woman in the mirror. I am SO. FREAKING. PROUD OF HER.
This was my birthday, November 20th, 2022. I was physically present and also so lost, and clearly angry. LOL
HOW?
Let’s back up. As 2022 was wrapping up, I wanted to pour gasoline light and match and torch that year walking away and never look back. I welcomed 2023 in deep prayer, for the world, for me and for those in my world and all of those I left behind. Somber and lost, I found myself grounded in faith that it would all work out. I made a plan to make every area of my life better; from relationally, with my family, prosperity in business, making better financial decisions and paying off debt, personal growth, community outreach, making my home a place that brought me peace, exploring hobbies, dreaming and more. I had to learn to stop making others my focus, I had no idea who I was and desperately needed to rebuild. I wanted to be on the fast track to growth and started absorbing as much information as possible. And like a sponge I cleaned up every mess with: coaching, reading, mentorship, journaling and a consistent morning and evening routine to attain great sleep, I was able to apply (and quickly) what I was learning with a clear mind. I found community, created a peaceful resting place to call home, a deep love for God and myself, and most importantly shutting out the world and being completely happy in the quiet. I very much LOVE people and live in this world. However, I learned that I can only serve others with intentionality, purpose, authentically without expectation, humility and humor ONLY when I fill my cup first.
WALK BY FAITH, NOT BY SIGHT
This time last year, the three closings scheduled for December didn’t happen. The old me would have panicked. Especially since I had made some pretty monumental changes in September. I was newly single and living solo and didn’t have my family in my life at the time. I didn’t panic though. I held onto faith that everything would be ok. God would never leave me without. This was a newer concept to me and I decided to go all-in and trust. Like I mentioned, I didn’t know who I was at the time however I dove into every avenue of my life to make it better than before. In doing so I met a LOT of wonderful people and created meaningful relationships that will forever be burned in my heart. As I grew this year, my business did too. The results show in more ways than one and it’s really incredible how energy flows from one arena to another. This is true for BOTH positive and negative energy. The reflection of this particular blog is because unlike last December, this December, all three homes under contract closed right when they were supposed to. Praise the Lord! I don’t share this to gloat. I share to inspire. Do not give up on your own worth, determination. Do ignore all of what you hear in this world, not in your favor.
Most agents in our market sell maybe 4 houses on average in a calendar year, and many felt the decline in sales this year due to lack of inventory. I don’t need to give you my totals or talk production, just know that I had a really wonderful year and I have a deep gratitude to those who trusted me near and far with their family and friends. I don’t consider helping others buy and sell real property work. It is ingrained in me and a part of who I am, and as time passes I have much to learn while somethings stay the same. You know me as a real estate agent, however it was only this year that I learned that I am so much more than that. This was my year to create my identity - not finding it in someone or something. Titles and numbers are great but only take me so far in joy, they don’t bring me happiness. It is relationships, it is people. I don’t get on the phone to sell, or get in my car to sell. I get in front of who really needs me with the intention that no matter what there is something to gain. Some of my clients have become the most wonderful friends. That is my goal. Heart intention is more my calling card. With this big heart of mine, I lack nothing and am just grateful to have the glass when a lot of agents this year saw the glass half empty, or half full.
HERE I AM
The list of “happenings” in 2023. Some happened to me, some happened for me and some I had my hand in because they were goals I set in November 2022. My mindset played the largest role in ALL of them. Enjoy!
SPIRITUAL GROWTH
~ I became a born again Christian and planted in Northway church, (both of which I attest ALL of the true foundation of my healing and growth)
~ Started reading the Bible daily with my friend Katie, (I have one more day and will complete the WHOLE Bible tomorrow. We start again on Jan 1 and a few more are joining us)
~ Baptized Jan 29th at Northway Church to publicly profess my faith, my faith is first in my life
~ Tithing and becoming a cheerful giver to the church that helped change my life
~ Participated in groups at church like Starting Point and women's groups regularly and actively where I made some of the best relationships, we continue to grow in faith together
~Started serving at the church as a door greeter, and collecting the offering and now serve in guest services by having more meaningful conversations with people interested in making Northway their home
~ Locked arms with the Trio of Faith Warriors where we send each other scripture and prayer everyday and we have big plans for 2024
~ I am an active prayer warrior in person and on the phone, via text for those who need it and when I see requests on socials. Hebrews 4:16
FAMILY
~ Lost touch with the one who made me a “mom” and he will always be my “son”. He will never forget me, as I will never forget him. I ask God to watch over him, to remind him of my deep love for him. I have bittersweet tears regularly over this because I believe in my heart it is not love lost. It is love gained even though I don’t see him now, I know it’s a love no one will ever know but he and I. There was a purpose for it and it won’t ever leave me.
~ Gained my parents in my life like never before. Through acceptance, forgiveness, heart changes and a massive dose of perspective on how short life is – I have two of the sweetest people who love me more than anyone walking this earth, strengthening me more each day.
~ Though I had to say goodbye to my grandparents, I got to see them right on time and through this experience learned more about honoring family. I wear my grandma's sweaters and have her Bible. There is nothing more special than those gifts.
~ Lost both of my dogs, Biggie and Tiny, within a few months of each other, quite timely. It’s as if they knew I was in a safe peaceful place and as if to say it was finally time to take care of just me.
~ Reunited with my fathers side of my family.
~ Forgiving my father who is no longer here after harboring so much anger and resentment.
BUSINESS
~ Consistency in tracking conversations, appointments that turn into contracts and knowing my numbers needed to sustain my new life on my own to explore new avenues of networking
~ Developing a retention system of consistent followup and engagement.
~ Locked and focused on time management and limiting distractions.
~ Organizing my week in advance to include downtime, not working on Sundays to have a day of rest for worship and family
~ Branding + marketing myself as someone with depth, not just someone who helps you buy/sell houses.
FINANCES
~ Spending less and only using cash for purchases/trips/furniture in new home
~ Paid off credit cards and student loans (with the help of my parents xo)
~ Improving my credit score
HEALTH
~ Consistent Intermittent Fasting and Increased water intake
~ Giving up Alcohol (on my way to 7 months Jan 12th)
~ Gave up coffee and drink a LOT of tea
~ Early to bed, early to rise and consistent solid sleep (removal of coffee and alcohol have helped this tremendously!)
~ Moving my body more with walking and stretching
~ Biked in the nicer months and it was so much fun!
~ Mental clarity with prayer and frequent rest periods throughout the day and week
~ Peaceful environment at home and consistent quiet time
PERSONAL GROWTH
~ Creating my own identity, without any crutches or conforming to this world
~ Removal of toxicity and negativity
~ Consistent morning, nightly and weekend routines
~ Journaling daily
~ Reading daily, 25 books this year (not including the 66 books of the Bible). This is truly an all time record for feeding my brain!
~ No television or news watching
~ Solo Road trip to Maine to decompress and really figure things out and recharge my spirit and hike Acadia
~ Picking up the violin and taking lessons, it’s always been a dream! Online recital is booked for January 16th. Message me if you’d like to receive an invite! :-)
~ Learning to be present in the moment, living in complete contentment
~ Shed cultural standards and ignoring any judgements for being a single, unmarried and a childless woman in today's world. Choosing to be intentionally single, for now.
~ Hired a confidence coach to help me push through barriers and limiting beliefs and chase my dreams. Rewiring my brain and coming up with my own rules I live by has done more than work through past trauma and healing.
FRIENDSHIPS
~ Established new friendships with people of all ages, reconnected with old friends and creating purposeful, intentional time together.
~ More meaningful conversations without alcohol, I am way more fun and wittier with a clear head
~ Cut ties with people who felt temporary or lack good energy
~Took a lot of relationships offline to in-person
COMMUNITY
~ Said “Yes” to raising money for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society as a Visionary of the Year Candidate, a 10 week fundraising campaign raising funds for research, patient advocacy and awareness. This will forever be one of the wildest, hardest yet rewarding things I agreed to. After all, when I said “yes” I was living without furniture in my new home. All I had was a mattress on the floor to sleep on. The campaign Lead With Love For LLS raised $67K and overall we all raised over $1.4mil. collectively. I had promised that the first $50K I personally raised would go to Ashley Closson’s family in honor of her father. They now have a research grant and award in his name for the Dare to Dream Project.
HOME LIFE
~All kinds of furniture from an actual bed (upgrade!) an office area along with house plants throughout, soft lighting, books everywhere. A view of Nipper and large windows to sky gaze. I haven’t experienced such a peaceful, tranquil space of my own in many, many years. I don’t have much, however I have all I need.
I have faced, endured, embraced, taken what needed to be learned, left the baggage behind to become the resilient Sam Sparkle you all see today. It isn’t at all forgotten, it lives within me and I am at great peace. I am not who I used to be, I hope you aren’t either.
***At the time of my completing the above paragraph, the below copied message arrived in my inbox. God’s timing is so perfect. I am crying while typing this… I forgot I wrote an email to my future self.
You wrote an email to your Future Self on 2022-12-31 00:40:42. Here it is:
You rose like a phoenix from the ashes fanned by flames that burned out from your heart to make sure that you were unstoppable. Unbreakable. A champion, like the Carrie Underwood song. You excelled your love of God through faith, you stepped out of your comfort zone on social media, you increased your business and tightened up your finances and increased your net wealth by 30%. You made a better life for yourself and you feel pure JOY out of His LOVE. He will provide. He will take care of you. You are a completely different person from the one of December 31, 2022. You will no longer be that person again. I LOVE YOU.
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Stay conscious,
The Self ClubTeam
