IDENTITY + INTEGRITY
When I write, I feel at peace. God runs through me and out every word. I feel closer to Him. The evidence shines with every beautiful connection made with readers. I paused these first few months of 2024. I celebrated an overcoming monumental year. I took time to rest, reset my heart, my mind and body.
I still see many people seeking more than what their fingers touch with the scroll, click or quick fix. I hear many speak of darkness in their days and their optimism is so bleak. They have no peace or rest. They have become apathetic to their very own existence, complacent with confusion, shutting down and sinking to the monotony of nothingness. Either they are oppressed or they are clearly depressed. They point fingers at everything and everyone around them, they have no faith and also refuse to look inward.
It’s like they have thrown up their hands up and saying ‘whatever’ and their life is ‘over’. ‘Why bother?’, they look worn out — they don’t even need to use their words. It screams in their lack of action. Their minds are soured and their hearts are hardened. This world quenches its thirst with conformity and wallows in isolated miserable company and nothing seems to suffice. I know this all so well. I lived like this, dying inside … it felt like no one was there to help. It was easier for me to blame my past or my surroundings.
If you are feeling this way even in the slightest and you are seeking HOPE, I am proof there is more. I refuse to believe in settling for less, because greatness is what God desires for ALL of us. He is rooting for all of us to take back our power.
faith
In my quest for greatness — I turn to my faith. I read the Bible everyday in a Bible Plan where you read it chronologically and there is an awesome recap that helps explain what I read. I immerse myself in my notes weekly from every service at Northway Church and put things I learn into practice, into motion. I spend a lot of time alone, I pull back from things and spaces that aren’t serving me. I hired a confidence coach last July, and read and studied work by Andrew Leedham through his personal development and teachings these past several months. I hadn’t realized that my confidence was affecting every decision I made, my whole life. It is really beautiful how timely I was learning through my coach and my Pastor the same time about confidence. It was like the messages were meant just for me. That happens often. It is also surprising how much people pleasing has been part of every large and small decision I had ever made, even down to what shoes to buy or what to wear. As a recovering people pleaser with some daily checks and tweaks, I am shedding that more and more. If I am not clear on who I am, then all that I will ever get will be less than great, it will be mediocre and I will keep floating through life. Like Pastor Buddy says, ‘You were born to be original, don’t die a copy!’ I am swimming Pastor and I don’t even know how to swim in real life.
identity
Identity is where it all begins, and I got real clear on who I am and what my core values are. Scripture is a living, breathing word that I turn to because it also validates who I am. I continue to learn and grow, and have built a blueprint, a suggestion from my confidence coach. I lean into these things as my compass. When I pray, I hear the voice within more and more, it was my guide in developing all of them and guides me everyday. I continue to listen intently.
That same voice was the one that told me to start LIVING for my God given purpose. To write, to play violin and to read more and to shed all ego and people pleasing. FYI - He sent you here to live out your purpose too. There is no way He sent you here to be in isolation. He sent you here to bless others with your gifts. In order for you to really be living up to your purpose, you really have to know who you are and your gifts will become much more clear.
This submersion in self-exploration yields me more confidence and faith to live in the now, not from the past or the future. When I am present in the now, I surrender everything over to into His hands. I cannot spend time worrying about the past or future anymore. I did that for so long. Walking with Jesus has taught me a patient pace, a consistent cadence of true peace, bliss and also power. The more I practice this, the more I feel His ubiquitous rhythm. Even when the tempo changes day to day or even within a single day, my heart feels the calm of His steady beat. Distractions and temptations are limited and my focus becomes living FULLY in this obedience. That voice keeps telling me to keep growing, to keep glowing and so I keep going.
integrity
(THIS IS MY WORD FOR 2024)
Most of my life I feared to speak what was on my mind or heart, so I didn’t. I would over-compensate for it by people pleasing or following the herd. My emotions would get the best of me, I would shut down. I felt I wasn’t good enough in certain aspects of my life which little did I know, spilled over to every area of my life. I felt undeserving of what others seemed to have. I couldn’t understand why it was easier for others to ‘have it’ and not me. Even though it was always there. I could point fingers and pass the blame on childhood trauma, however that doesn’t really get anywhere. I was victimizing myself and gave others permission to gaslight me as well. Especially when their gaslighting had absolutely nothing to do with me or how I grew up and more to do with their own junk. Instead of settling for less than, I am going for greatness by living within my integrity and surrounding myself with others who also hold themselves accountable. After all, iron sharpens iron. I don’t wish to be around anyone to tell me what they think I want to hear. I desire their truths, as much as I am setting out to speak mine.
I am not going to sit on the sidelines anymore. I have seen miracles. I have seen mountains move with confidence, with faith. And because you and I are now friends, you don’t get to sit on the sidelines anymore either. I say that lovingly because time is finite. There is no better time than the present. Confidence starts with your mind. I feel your eye roll or worse your lack of eye contact and I hear your ‘whatever, I know this already’. You just tripped over your own ego and didn’t even know it. The very language we use in our own heads spills out of our mouths and shows up in our behavior. How many of you said “I know” when I shared that confidence starts with your mind? Listen up, this is exactly the ego I am referring to. I have said “I know” almost my whole life. Today I walk with a learning mindset than an “I know” mindset. I really don’t know all the things. I do know I am experimenting with things I am learning and putting them into action and the results, good and bad are showing up.
Ego can be such an enemy. It is the wrong voice to listen to. I am here for such a time as this to share, there is a way to circumvent it. It takes time, it takes discipline. And, it’s really work that is never-ending. There is no one-shot-fix-all and never think negatively again. Self-confidence and self-esteem doesn’t come and stay. It is an ever-evolving practice that uses muscle memory over time. It requires accountability and encouragement from those you surround yourself with. There is a lot of grace, more mercy and forgiveness. Slowly it all comes together eventually the muscle gets stronger and stronger. I have seen my own transformation even change the people around me, for the better. That is evidence that the work I am doing for myself is elevating those around me.
action
When I fall off track from working on my mind, I can see it reflected in a lot of how my days shape up. When I am working on my mind consistently, and living by ‘My Rules’ the more my days are incredibly peaceful, rewarding, productive and purposeful. The meaning of my life unfolds before my very eyes and it’s showing up in how others even respond to me. I share these with you not to imply that you must live this way too. And, I am not perfect. I may fall short, however this is how I hold myself accountable and live with integrity. I share this to inspire you to come up with your own set of rules. Your own values. As my life evolves and new adventures begin, I am sure I will need to tweak them. For now, they work for me. I have worked on these over the last six months. I read them, (all 50 of them listed below), over and over again sometimes three times a day. This is how my confidence grows and the person I desired to be, I am already becoming. This is the year that so much will unfold due to believing in what God has asked me to meet him on, and where to take action. Nothing will break me or stop me. This is how I will overcome any and all of my barriers. I hope this inspires you to burst through yours.
Pastor Buddy Cremeans said this during the Inspire Leadership Conference at Northway Church back in September 2023 and it was like I got smacked in the face with a wet newspaper. The start of my transformation process began with action. It hasn’t stopped. It made me realize how many years my gifts lie dormant before being born again. I wasn’t living Gods will for me. I pray I always listen to the small voice and go when it says ‘GO!’.
1. I seek Gods heart and hand in everything.
2. I am 100% authentically me no matter what for I know the poem “My Deepest Fear”
3. I do not play small ever because I am “The Man in the Arena” by Theodore Roosevelt
4. Jesus is my savior, God is always with me and the Holy Spirit dwells within me.
5. I don’t accept the world’s rules, what man or culture says. My life is defined through the Living Word and prayer. 2 Timothy 3:16-17
6. I follow Jesus with obedience and with love. I am full of His love. I receive it, I share it. 1 Corinthians 13:13 ESV says, “So now faith, hope, and love abide, these three; but the greatest of these is love.”
7. Forgive and Let Them like the Mother Theresa poem, “Do It Anyway”.
8. I make intelligent, bold, concrete decisions free of emotion with rationality, intentionality and compassion.
9. I look for absolute truths and seek the source before jumping to conclusions. I pause, praise and pray for the truth and guidance, it will always reveal itself.
10. I smile with my heart and laugh from my soul, life isn’t meant to be so serious. I allow the 5 year old Samantha out because her ways are delightful.
11. I step out in faith that everything always works out for the best for it’s in Gods hands, His plans are greater than mine. Proverbs 3:5-6
12. I recognize fear is an illusion my ego uses to keep me playing small. I never allow fear to limit my dreams.
13. “No” is a complete sentence. I say “no” to things that don’t work for me or that don’t align with my values. My “yes” means yes, my “no” means no. Matthew 5:37
14. If it is not bringing me closer to God, it’s not for me.
15. I spend time everyday working on my mind, I know it is the only thing I can control. Romans 12:2
16. I am kind, decent and act with integrity and I will never tolerate anything less than the same from other people in my life. Proverbs 27:17
17. Pastor Maria Durso reminds me to not let anyone treat me badly ever under any circumstances. I stand up like Hannah did in 1 Samuel 1:12-18
18. I do not let anyone treat others poorly in my presence either. I stand up for the defenseless.
19. People are placed in my world intentionally for Gods purpose, it is by design and all people are children of God. 1 John 3:1
20. I am present in the moment. I make eye contact. I show respect and honor.
21. I ask questions for clarity rather than make assumptions.
22. I don’t entertain gossiping with others.
23. I listen more than I speak. I don’t listen to respond. I listen intently to gain wisdom and only respond with integrity.
24. I am clear, concise and direct in my communication. I ask for what I want and I express how I feel.
25. I get proper sleep and pour into myself first each morning and every evening. Only then can I give my very best to others.
26. I am 100% responsible for my actions and the quality of my life, it’s my choice.
27. I observe, not judge.
28. No negativity.
29. Authority deserves respect and honor, even when I disagree.
30. I praise on top of the mountain, in the valley and in the in-between.
31. I look for and take away the benefits from every situation and leave the baggage behind.
32. I don’t hide any part of me away or pretend to be something that I am not. I do not need to perform.
33. I don’t seek anyone’s approval ever. I don’t people please.
34. I work diligently on achieving the outcomes I desire however I detach from any specific outcome to happen, for it’s in Gods hands.
35. As a disciple, I am open to learning at all times. To be more like Jesus requires less of me so I push any pride and all ego aside.
36. I inspire others through vulnerability, humility, courage, strength and bravery.
37. I recognize and accept some people will love me, some will not and I’m completely okay with both. I love all people regardless. I love without expectation.
38. I surround myself with elevated thinkers and doers. ‘Knowledge without action is an abomination.’ Pastor Buddy Cremeans
39. I do not need to be loud to be heard. I’m seen, acknowledged and respected everywhere I go. My presence is powerful, this requires great responsibility.
40. I don’t let other people’s insecurities hinder my destiny. I’m a leader never needing the title.
41. My measure is how I feel about me because I know with confidence who I am to God, the One who created me. The world may disagree, and that is ok. I do not live for the world.
42. My days are filled with peace and joy in all that I do, even in the uncertainty. Emotions are alarms letting me know that whatever it is, is beyond my control. I process the feels, God grants me the peace that surpasses all understanding, He is greater than any emotion.
43. I don’t allow “realistic” or “worldly”thinking to dissuade me from my dreams. I dream BIG, I pray BIGGER.
44. My creator says that I am a way maker born to change the world through one person, one moment at a time through the natural and supernatural gifts He gave me. With Him, I arrive right on time to use them.
45. I focus on progress not perfection.
46. I live in alignment that failure is how success is achieved. Hebrews 4:16
47. Momentum is my friend. Rest is too.
48. There are no ceilings. I defy plateaus. Barriers are breakable.
49. The Gospel brings me hope and is a lamp at my feet. Scripture is a love story of Gods devotion for me.
50. Proverbs 31 describes a wise woman full of honor and victory. To know her is one thing, to see and feel her is another.
