STALLED TO CALLED
Whether you have just found this blog or you have been following for sometime, thank you. You were brought here by some divine superpower and to that I just gotta praise. Who knew we would meet like this? The Heart of Albany continues, I keep on keepin’ on this self discovery journey. I truly hope you not only learn more about me, but that you feel inspired to learn more about yourself. If you find that you’re reading these blogs with one foot in, one foot out… This is my personal invite to jump over the threshold into my home. I am at the door greeting you with a warm hug and big grin, so welcome. xo
For all the Wordle lovers out there, the word “heart” had been my starting word for well over 10 months. It eventually came out on July 26, 2023. Kinda cool. I had been praying on my healing heart, what The Heart of Albany is, and still do. Here we are.
I started really thinking about what was next for my rising year (2023 A Better Me) when I took a solo trip to Maine to unplug and refresh midway through the year. What is my purpose here and what do I desire out of this life? I hadn’t spent much time thinking on this with one thing leading into another to another practically my whole life. I am wholly alone, no strings or ties and nothing holding me back from really going for it, whatever it is. It was the night I returned from Maine when things started making more sense. Like how I knew I didn’t want to drink anymore to really move through this growing season with a clear head and at a rapid rate. Time to zero in. My first night back in Albany, I found some things in a box I hadn’t seen in a long time or didn’t even know I had. I knew the moment I saw them God was trying to tell me something. He was telling me these things were here all along, to tap back into my roots where I buried my talents and that these gifts needed to come out.
I found this the night I arrived from Maine. When I decided to stop drinking, I also decided to start really writing. Really uncovering who I am. What I love and sharing it with the world. I have never written anything like I am now, unless for college credit, or in a journal or on a facebook post my whole life. Finding this was like the gentle whisper God gave Elijah outside the cave. 1 Kings 19:11-13 Like Elijah, I pulled my cloak over my face to hear Him more.
Which leads me to my question for you. Have you ever felt a calling? Where something tugged at you saying “this is what you ought to be doing!”. Perhaps it was a little voice saying, “why don’t you go for it?” Did you once have a dream that shattered and you never revisited it? I have been to many real estate conferences, sat on panels and have heard people talk about their big “why” and how they attribute that to their success. In seminars there would be exercises to do in order to uncover your life’s purpose. We would write our dreams by answering questions like: “If you had a million dollars what would you do?” I look back to those things I wrote down, none of them make any sense to me now. I realize I am a different person now too and here is my latest A-ha… I was answering with what I thought others would be impressed by. What I thought others would expect me to answer. Did I really feel those answers in my heart? Obviously not. I was not being truthful with myself. Woah. That realization cuts deep. For twenty something years I was stalled from really living for what I love? Well, that has changed, thank God I don’t live for others anymore. The more time I spend with God, the more I hear Him ask me to trust Him. And boy do I!
This makes me think how being different is within all of us, how we are meant to be different. Like this sunflower, it believed so it did. It just is. It doesn’t desire to make the others feel different or unsafe. It just shines as if to say “hey, come join me. It can get lonely up here sure, but I am going to do what I do because I am supposed to.” Jesus left the 99 to go after the 1 to make sure the “1” knew they were special too. It can be lonely when you feel different. And God made us all different for a reason. Because we all have something unique to offer. Location: Golden Acres Charlolais Farm - Boone Family in Westerlo, NY
Maybe you’re thinking it’s a recondite idea. “Come on Samantha, who has time to sit around and think this deeply?” The kids need everything all the dang time; work is stressful and zapping all of my energy; even just driving in silence without worrying about tasks for the day is a distant mirage. You wake up, grind, barely eat or have time to pee let alone actually think about what you want because of life’s demands. I get it. I so do. This was me for a really really long time. Nothing could wait. By the way, when we get to know each other, (and I hope we do) I am a safe space. I think hopefully, love deeply and our time together would touch my soul, I just know it. So what I am about to say, I say with sooo much LOVE. You are NOT that important to them. YOU are more important than that which you place higher. For most of my life I was too intertwined in someone else’s dreams or checking off perceived boxes I thought were necessary in order to fit in or be loved. Blah blah blah. That was my them and that.
I am grateful to God. He is helping me get reacquainted with myself, pushing me more to learn what I love, desire and truly who I live for. He has given me these gifts. If I love Him, why would I hide them? He pushed me to open that bin when I got home from Maine. Along with my father’s things, I found so many report cards and items showing me how much I loved English, art and music at an early age. In high school, I dumbed myself down, didn’t apply myself so as to fit in and not be so different. I am a dork at heart and truly hid it away for fear of being shunned by the cute guy sitting behind me. Or the girls I wanted to be more like because they appeared to have something I didn’t. That was dumb. My teachers also shared how I was super social and loved chatting it up in class. It landed me in detention and often times I would get more detention for talking during detention. Woof. I guess I have another gift. When I have a lot to say, I will. And I won’t hold back anymore.
Instead of looking for the next happy hour, I look forward to writing blogs or reading a book on a bench and thinking on my dreams. Happily too school for cool. A dorky dreamer with a big heart for words following a faithful Father, leading my own charge to live my best days while I am here. You're in or you’re out. It won’t stop me either way. Here I am. AMEN!
I found this in my bin the night I arrived home to Albany from Maine too. I framed it and it sits above my desk as inspiration. Mrs. Quick gave this to every 2nd grader that year for completing a “How to Make Thanksgiving Dinner” book to bring home. Now I give thanksgiving everyday for this new life, and uncovering this gift buried all of these years.
This confidence in God has afforded me trust in my writing. It is one gift I won’t let go of ever again. It came with my own kind of face plant experience, where God called on me and said “hey, I am here. Yes, you. I love you. Come with me a little bit… let me tell you a story or two, or like tons more in 66 books.” I am still in awe of how He speaks to me, through others and just random moments. Affirmations like how I started writing this last week and at the past week's service at Northway Church the guest Pastor, Joe Nieves’s message was all about heeding a calling. Woah. And he said you gotta do these three things:
A call to turn. There is a pivotal moment to change. Me: Yep. Ok check.
Heed the call to follow. When God tells you to follow Him, you must do. Me: Ok check.
Go and tell. Shout it from the mountain tops. Me: Well dang. I have been writing and sharing.
CHECK CHECK CHECK!
Another instance where God has been speaking to me is when two different friends gifted me the same journal two days in a row. First Tina, then Christine. And not just any journal, one with Jeremiah 29:11 on the cover. “For I know the plans I have for you.” By the way, the first journal was given to me the day after I finished the book of Jeremiah. Neither of these ladies knew that. There are no coincidences. God must know I have a lot to say, He also knows how much I have wept with Jeremiah over my heart and others peoples hearts. Also, since “heart” was the NY Times Wordle word of the day in July, one of my new starting words popped up a few days ago on Monday, the word “write”. Pretty wild. This is how I know God is on my side, urging me to follow this love, this gift of writing and share it with the world.
All of these things happening so closely with one another. Monday, August 28, 2023 NY Times Wordle. Now you know my remaining starting word. I couldn’t believe I switched it up like 3 days prior. I just laughed.
The time is now for you too. It is never too late to ask yourself what your God given super power(s) is that enables you to fulfill your highest purpose. We are all unique, with gifts that enrich others, somehow someway. Most often these gifts are passions that breathe life into others and bring immense joy to do, to make, to give. Others need it. Don’t be stalled any longer. When you feel joy in all things you do, you elevate others without even realizing it. And the only way to feel true joy is if you are doing something that makes you feel wholly happy within. Enhancing your core, enabling you to joyfully follow a compass and live out the days of your life with ease. Whatever it is, it has been within you all along. I promise. And if you aren’t sure, someone who pays attention to you and knows you well could help you answer this question.
This fast paced first world thrives on instant gratification. When heeding a calling for God's given gift you have within, you may not learn right away what it will do. Where it will go. I have no idea where this writing is taking me. Also, you need quiet time to sort these things out and perhaps a journal or vision board. However you dream… the important thing is to allow yourself to do so. I just had a thought that would be a far-fetched start to a post apocalyptic zombie movie. Hear me out — the internet is shut down in the entire world, no satellites for at least a month, maybe two. Haha, frightening thought right? Or is it? What if it was a way for us to figure out how to create more without the distractions of Google, social media, constant Amazon shopping and dreaded long emails and no fear of a nuclear attack. After all the chaos and the complaining is over, maybe we would lean in more, pray and meditate. Find peace while seeking answers, it worked for me and that was really only 8 days! And I still limit my consumption of the “noise” or use what I see as anything that weighs on me or deters me from this path I am on. Once the chaos settles post-apocalypse in this movie, maybe what we see is more collaboration with others to build an infrastructure where work, life, play within a short distance of our dwelling is appealing rather than appalling. Hyper-consumerism, over-valuing freedom and self reliance doesn’t build resilience. It builds fear. Shopping local, small distances for necessities and also for fun is actually a simple freedom attainable by all. There are a ton of people with some amazing gifts who do not utilize them and might be forced to for all of mankind walking around today. I know because I was one of them. Perhaps it would force us outside in the fresh air in all seasons rather than glued to a computer screen inside making the rich, richer that are not local. If you are starting to feel uncomfortable with stagnation, change begins somewhere. Maybe it’s today. What’s your gift?
“…yet your teacher will not hide himself anymore, but your eyes shall see your Teacher. And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left.” Isaiah 30:20-21
My vibrations are at an optimum and I am oozing superfluous growth so it’s hard for me to think back to who I was. I am loving the written word and how much I missed owning a dictionary. I am so happy to convey my heart in a longer format other than a facebook post here and there. I don’t know where this writing is going, however I know I have a lot to say. Perhaps it is a way of me finding my voice. Suppressed by no one other than myself and sadly, for almost my whole life. No longer stalled, I have been called. And it feels so good.
I mean, why not. What do I have to lose? And you, what do you have to lose? A reminder from a friend whose heart loves Jesus as much as I do.
Thanks Doreen, xo
