TAPPING IN.
I have received congratulatory and supportive messages and texts from people following me along on socials saying “keep going”, “keep sharing” and that it seems like I’ve had an “awakening”. What a word. The Oxford dictionary’s meaning: “awakening: an act or moment of becoming suddenly aware of something.” And according to Google: “During a spiritual awakening, an individual typically experiences a profound transformation in their life. This transformation is marked by a profound shift in perspectives and beliefs, often leading to a heightened sense of purpose and clarity in one's life.”
WOAH. I haven’t had much time to really think on it, let alone articulate what I have been experiencing. I knew I had been going through a transformation and growing, which has mostly been exciting. Growth can also be incredibly painful. Major life changes can bring on a fear of the unknown and anxiety when things don’t make sense. The most painful of things is perhaps facing hard truths, having to get really honest like I have with myself and dive deep into “how did I get here?” Literally and metaphorically. Over time things become more clear. All growth is positive. It should be celebrated no matter what age, where you are in life and especially after a litany of mistakes. There are no slow learners in my opinion. Just people who have endured longer so their message is louder and clearer for those to hear in the nose bleeds. Those people carry a heavy weight champion belt title and rightfully so because in their story lies circumstantial evidence that mercy is real, and grace is always given. That is if they choose to WIN.
I am winning. I have been humbled, forced to be vulnerable enough to seek my own DNA on how things turned out while also recognizing that some things happened because they just happened to me. They were beyond my control. And finally, I have learned how to lay down my sword and stop fighting a battle that has already been won. How exciting it is to be THIS free, to finally live life in my own skin, or better yet - living in new skin because I shed the old one. In this time period, I have also felt peace that surpasses all understanding, a “high for life” often referred to as having a “new lease on life”. Who wouldn’t want to experience this especially after any amount of suffering? Again, I didn’t know I was going to completely change my life, and now that I have I know am not done. I am a different person than I was a year ago let alone 5 months ago. So how does this relate to #TheHeartOfAlbany? I had to really pray and think about this. And it clicked. However, it might be bigger than Albany. I call Albany home and I love Albany. And again what I visualized for this blog inevitably changes again. I am relenting all control and following my heart.
I have been asking God to help me grow even more these last few months. As someone who has always sought to be better by way of checking boxes and measuring by comparison, it was time to try something new and ask a different question. “God, what are my strengths and how can they be used to help others?” I am not better than, I am not less than. I am finally tapping in.
Me: “PUT ME IN COACH!”
God: “I’ve been waiting…”
What if The Heart of Albany is about… this awakening.
Overlooking the Grand Canyon circa 1983. What I would tell her if I could.
